My Dear Cat

I have two cats. Which qualifies me, in the view of many, as the eternal spinster. Cats doom women to singlehood, just as dogs guarantee them an abundance of suitors. Or so I'm told.

But in my defense, the only reason I got the cats in the first place was as an (albeit poor) alternative for my kids to having a dog. A dog was more than I could handle. A creature that needed babysitting while I was away. A creature almost as needy as a human baby, but with one difference - that the dog would remain that baby forever, never grow up.

So, I "adopted" two cats. I put that with quotation marks, because the cost of the adoption was $75 per cat, supposedly to cover their immunization expenses, but one of the two cats - the pretty black one - actually cost $25 more, because of her Asian Short Hair look. Is that an adoption or a purchase?

But back to the point. These two cute, female cats have lived a nice life in the eight years since their adoption. They're indoor/outdoor cats, free to roam around to their heart's content, but always assured of a warm dry place, and plentiful (although not gourmet) food.

And then something happened. The black cat. The premium one. The one, by the way, who had always acted neurotic, started peeing in the house. I'm almost afraid to tell you this because those of you who visit my place may find yourself forever sniffing around to find a small gift. Don't worry, you don't need to do that, I do it for you.

Only then did I realize what a well established issue "feline inappropriate urination" is. It is probably the single most common reason for "feline euthanasia". Which is starting to sound like a real option here.

So I've done everything I found reasonable to do. Bought four, organic-catnip infused cat scratchers, and scattered them around the house, given the black madam a round of antibiotics (just in case this is a "feline urinary tract infection"), sprayed feliway (a feline pheromone) around the house - it's supposed to have a calming influence - , and now, just to make sure I've tried everything, I've gotten Cloricalm - used for the treatment of separation anxiety and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder, I kid you not) in cats.

My dear cat refuses to take her Clomicalm. I have a feeling this is not going to end well.