Sentenced to Marriage

My film editor friend and colleague was completely taken by this film, showing at the L.A. Film Festival, and insisted that I see it. I knew what I was getting myself into, but sometimes one has no choice. I couldn’t argue the content of this documentary if I hadn’t seen it, or so she implied. And what was the subject? Well, the venality of rabbinical divorce courts in Israel.

So I saw it, and here are the facts, aided by my prior knowledge. In fact, if I hadn’t had this prior knowledge, there would have been no way for me to really understand the issues raised in this film. Maybe this will be more information that you want (or as my daughter says, TMI – Too Much Information), but I know that the “evils” of Israel always make for good copy:

1. As the film indicates, there is no civil marriage in Israel. Only religious marriage. Be it Jewish, Christian, or Muslim. This is an relic of laws passed in the early 50’s, and the religious political establishment in Israel has, as a matter of self-preservation and job preservation, insisted on maintaining it.

2. There is an alternative for Israelis wishing to marry in a civil marriage. They can go abroad (a brief trip to Cyprus will suffice) and get married there. The state recognizes such marriages. Not ideal, but it’s the path that many of my secular Israeli friends have followed.

3. Contrary to the claim of this movie – there IS civil divorce in Israel, done through the family court system.

4. Why is the state requirement for Jewish marriage a problem? Well, there are a few reasons. The first is that it’s a form of religious coercion. The second, that it is a means of maintaining a taxpayer-funded religious establishment that has all the characteristics of a bureaucracy – lifelong employment, lack of accountability,… you know what I’m talking about. The third, that to get out of a Jewish marriage with no baggage, you need a Jewish divorce. More on this below.

5. There is a fundamental asymmetry in Jewish law. A man can divorce his wife. A wife cannot divorce her husband. She needs to get the divorce from him. This inequality is supposed to be mitigated by rabbinical courts in cases of the husband’s intransigence, by forcing the husband to give his wife a divorce. In fact, in Israel rabbinical courts can send a husband to jail indefinitely for refusing to divorce his wife. But that only happens at the discretion of the court, and only if there is a significant reason that can be given for the divorce. In essence, it requires showing that the husband is at fault. Not easy, and not always doable.

6. Why then would Jewish women in Israel want to get a Jewish divorce if a no-fault civil divorce is available? Well, there are a couple of reasons. One, somewhat subtle one for us secular Jews, is that by Jewish law she would be committing adultery if she had relations with another man, and in Jewish law this is a major infraction. The second, which is significant even to secular Jews like myself, is that any child she would have with a subsequent partner would be deemed a bastard, unable to marry within the Jewish community for 10 generations. For people like me, this is the crux of the matter.

As the film shows, dealing with the Israeli rabbinical courts can be a nightmare for women. The combination of a chauvinistic judge with a law that highly favors men can give appalling results. And the real issue is that unlike the American system, where rabbis are accountable to the congregations that pay their salaries, within the state-financed Israeli religious system, rabbis are often beholden to no one.

The combination of condescending, chauvinistic judges aided and abetted by a legal system that favors men, and orthodox women desperate for a Jewish divorce is the picture that this film shows. It includes recordings of rabbinical judges discussing with wives the appropriate sum with which to “buy off” their husband. It includes cases of judges refusing to force a divorce even though the husband is already living with another woman and has children with her.

I hate to try to apologize for the Israeli religious establishment. There really is no excuse. And for women caught in this trap, it’s a real tragedy. Ultimately, there is no excuse for state sanctioned religious marriage and divorce, or for a state-funded religious establishment. Such things should be outside the jurisdiction or the funding of the state.

As for the basic problem of Jewish women who cannot get a divorce from their husbands and cannot get a court to force it, well, the best remedy is prevention. As an orthodox rabbi in Israel once told me, Jews should stop marrying in Jewish weddings. The problem of bastards and of adultery would not exist if Jews stuck to civil weddings.

I personally didn’t follow his recommendation. I got married in a Jewish marriage, and I got a Jewish divorce. But if I had it to do all over again… well, I don’t know…